Always
by dancingdaydreams
Summary: A Celtic Thunder fic. The lads are in Dublin preparing for tour, and in an eventful week there is good news and bad news abound. Will be multiple chapters! Ryan/Neil romance, just bromance from the others! Please R&R!


It had been hours, and Neil was still in the kitchen, talking te' his parents. I use te' stay in the room with him when phone calls like this happened, but as the conversations grew increasingly frustrating, I began te' realize that Neil wanted te' be alone te' talk te' his folks. I think he doesn't want me te' se him upset, but he doesn't seem te' realize that I would never think less of him. Also, I could tell Neil was becoming uncomfortable with me hearing what his parents had te' say. About me. About us. So I lay in our bedroom, listening te' the murmur of his voice, waiting it out. I knew how much Neil hated this strained relationship with his parents, and how hard it was for him te' stand up for himself during these talks. I wished I could explain te' him how endlessly proud I was of him, always.

I heard Neil's voice grow quieter, and tried to decide whether this was good or bad. Either way, I couldn't hear him anymore. When he came in the room at last, I could tell he was upset, but probably too worn out to talk about it. Neil has a certain, natural silliness and sweetness that these conversations just seem te' bury deep inside him. It's hard te' see him so sad that his normal, happy self can't show, and te' feel as helpless as I do. For now, I did the only thing I could - I just wrapped his hand in mine te' let him know that nothing has changed for me. Eventually, we both fell asleep.

ooooooooooooooooooo

It was five am, and the sun was just barely visible over the trees - I knew there was only one place he would be at this hour. Neither of us had gotten much sleep that night, but Neil must have gotten so restless that he just decided te' get up and blow off some steam. I told meself over and over that everything would be fine, but I couldn't quite relax the knot of worry in me' stomach as I drove through Dublin. The streets were quiet in the gray morning, and it was strangely peaceful, contrasting with me' tumbled thoughts.

When I reached the studio I had te' force meself te' walk calmly inside. I shoved me' hands into me' jacket pockets te' stop them shaking as I walked. I wasn't even sure why I was nervous - I just had an overwhelming need te' make sure Neil was okay. It was like a twist in me' heart whenever he was upset, and it made me want te' wrap me' arms around him and erase any trouble that came his way.

I could hear Neil before I saw him, singing with a vengeance. I took a breath of relief at the sound of his voice.

_ /"And I wonder if I'm past the point of rescue. Is no word from you at all the best that you can do?"/ _

Me' heart clenched as the relevance of the lyrics sank in. The urge te' run te' him was so strong I had te' stop in me' tracks and take a deep breath. Finally, I reached the practice room. I could see him through the window, and I wasn't hidden from his view, but he was completely caught up in the song. Every note he sang was clean and pure, as always, but the emotion of his delivery was staggering. It was so good, and so real, that it raised the hair on the back of me' neck.

He finished, panting. I could see his face glistening with something that wasn't sweat. He scrubbed a hand across his cheek and sat down, grabbing a bottle of water on his way to the stool. He took a few sips as he calmed down. His hair was still a wee bit tousled from sleeping, although he'd gotten dressed in jeans and a gray t-shirt. The bed-head made him look younger -more innocent - and I felt a surge of protectiveness sweep through me. His shoulders slumped despondently as I watched. I couldn't stand it anymore - seeing him so sad and angry. I found meself pushing the door open gently. Neil jumped, startled, but he didn't seem surprised te' see me. He cast his eyes up te' mine for a second, before gazing back down at the floor, embarrassed. In that second, I saw all of the pain and hurt he was feeling.

I made me' voice as gentle and as comforting as I could as I tried te' get him te' look back at me. "Neil?" Me' voice was soft. He looked up at me slowly. His face was relatively calm, but a myriad of emotions played in his eyes. I could see it all - the frustration and hurt at the surface, and the bitter sting of rejection and the fear of abandonment, deep down. Beneath all that I could still see the spark of mischief and fun along with the undiluted sweetness that made him utterly and completely Neil.

He didn't say anything, but he continued te' look into me' eyes with his own amazing brown ones. It looked from his expression that he was glad te' see me, although he normally tries to hide it when he's upset. Moving slowly, I picked up the only remaining stool and sat down beside him, straddling it and resting me' feet on the floor. "I heard ye' on the phone," I said simply. I wanted te' let him come te' me', so I rested me' hands on me' lap, despite the urge te' put me' arms around him. He sighed and nodded and rubbed a hand across his forehead tiredly.

"Yeah," he acknowledged quietly. "...How did ye' know I'd be here?" he asked after a pause.

"It's the first place I would have gone," I answered honestly. He smiled slightly at me. I ducked me' head and chuckled.

"They just refuse te' understand..." he murmured after a few minutes. He was looking down at his hands, which were open in his lap.

"Ye' make me happy," he added almost silently. I just couldn't help it - it made me' heart leap te' hear him say that. "I just..." he trailed off momentarily, but then continued. "I just hope that they love me enough te'...te' see that soon." The reasoning tone of his voice was tinged with frustration.

"They love ye' enough. I know they do." Me' own voice was low and gruff with emotion. He looked up at me again, and smiled weakly, his shoulders starting te' lose their defeated posture. He met me' gaze for a long moment, and I could feel his wordless thanks. We sat for a few moments wrapped in our own thoughts. At last he reached for me' hand and laced his fingers through it, squeezing it lightly both out of affection and for comfort. I squeezed back and said nothing, just enjoying this moment alone with Neil. We didn't get much time together during rehearsals, so it was always special when I could have him te' meself, even for just a little while.

Gradually, Neil began messing with me' long fingers, moving them playfully up and down. I grinned in spite of meself. He brushed his thumb across the writing callus on me' left hand before entwining our fingers once more. We both laughed quietly. I leaned me' forehead against his and closed me' eyes briefly. I heard Neil sigh contentedly and relax against me. Pulling back, I looked at his face carefully. I try te' never forget how much I love his face, and...well...everything else about him. I kissed the lone tear track on his cheek very gently.

"I love ye', Neil." I told him firmly. "Always." He didn't answer right away, instead he leaned up slightly te' kiss me. Like always, the feel of his lips on mine flooded me with happiness. I needed Neil, every day, just as much as I hope he needs me. He pulled away all too soon, but he leaned up and whispered in me' ear.

"I love ye' too." And then his lips were on mine again, firm yet gentle. I rubbed one hand through his hair as I kissed him back.

"Always," I repeated as we took a moment to breathe. I don't know how long we sat there, saying nothing, but at last I caught Neil's hand in mine again. "Are you ready te' go home, babe?" He nodded, and let me lead him out of the studio.

oooooooooooooooooooo

We joined the others in the studio at nine, ready for a full day of rehearsals. George was there already, talking to Sharon about something, moving his hands around like he was illustrating s potential staging for a song. Colm had arrived as well, and sat sleepily against the wall, his eyes closed. Emmet was looking over a lyric sheet by the piano, but he glanced up and nodded te' me and Neil with a smile. Keith was still absent, but he had a few minutes te' go before being late.

"Morning guys," said Sharon in a businesslike greeting. "We'll get started soon - we're just running a wee bit late today."

Sharon hadn't been kidding when she told us it would be a busy day. Once we got started, we were in and out of rehearsals all day. Keith arrived just as warm-ups started, but he seemed distracted, and kept checking his phone for messages. I wondered what was on his mind, but I was also busy keeping an eye on Neil. At the moment the two of them were rehearsing "Whiskey in the Jar" with the band while the rest of us looked on. I loved te' watch Neil during that song - I could always see the laughter light up his eyes as he and Keith strummed their guitars like crazy. And Neil seemed alright for the most part as the day went on. He was maybe a little quieter than usual, but he was his normal cheerful, silly self. It warmed me' heart te' see a smile on his face, even after this morning.

We finished practicing "Dulaman" before breaking for dinner, worn out but happy. We didn't talk much as we ate, but it was a companionable silence. Once we finished, it was just practicing solos with the band before we were done. As it happened, Sharon picked me te' go first, so I ran through me' solos in me' head as I watched Neil eat. Other than the slight crease in his forehead, he looked okay. I noticed that Keith had slipped out te' talk on his phone again. I wondered idly who he was so keen te' talk te'.

When we were done for the day, Sharon reminded us of our 7 am call time in the morning. "Get some sleep guys," she added sternly. "I mean it. Tomorrow will be a very long day." We were only one week away from leaving for the tour, so we all understood why it was necessary, but we all groaned theatrically. Sharon chuckled but didn't show us an ounce of sympathy. We all know that she works harder than the rest of us put together, so we can never really complain.

I paused te' clap Emmet on the shoulder as we headed out te' the parking lot. "Good work today, lad," I said, causing him te' grin. He had been last te' run through solos, and he had really killed it on "Isle of Hope, Isle of Tears" in its rehearsal.

He returned the contact, smiling. "You too, old man," he teased.

"Hey!" I objected. "Ye' won't be wanting te' say that when ye'r only in your thirties," I informed him with a laugh. Neil was laughing too, although he and I are the same age. Emmet rolled his eyes but was still grinning as he went te' his car.

Neil nudged me' side te' get me' attention. "I think I'm going te' walk home," he said quietly. "Clear me' head a bit." I nodded in understanding and kissed his forehead gently.

"Alright babe," I said, fighting the urge te' say more. Neil probably did really want te' sort through his thoughts for a while. "I'll see ye' at home, okay?" I added.

"'Course," he said with a slight smile. "I'll be there soon."

As much as I wanted te' spend more time with him, I understood why he wanted te' walk. It's one of me' own favorite ways te' work through problems too. I would get time with him when he got home.

As I drove home, it began te' rain. Lightly at first, but the raindrops grew thicker and harder. A stab of worry went through me' gut when I realized that Neil was out walking in this, but I knew I should still let him come home when he was ready. Still, I watched worriedly out the window of our flat until I saw his soaking wet figure appear outside our building.

Neil came in, drenched from head te' toe. "Aw, babe..." I murmured as he slid his wet jacket off. He was shivering a little.

"I'm okay," he promised. "Just wet." He slowly peeled of his sodden t-shirt, leaving him in just his jeans. I couldn't help admiring his bare chest, even as I grabbed a towel for him. "What?" he asked, noticing I was watching him. He ran the towel over his face and through his hair.

"Nothing," I said, hiding a smile. I drew a little closer and kissed his forehead playfully. I frowned when I realized he was still shivering. "Why don't ye' go take a shower?" I suggested. "It might warm ye' up."

"I thought I just had a shower," Neil teased half-heartedly, but he followed me' suggestion. He came out afterward, dressed in sweatpants and a clean t-shirt, and joined me on the couch, curling up against me' side. I could tell he was still feeling a little down, so I wrapped me arms around him as he leaned his head into me' shoulder.

"Neil?" I said quietly. He looked up at me. "I love ye'," I reminded him. "Always."


End file.
